In general, I find that life tends to be about needs being met. We all have different needs and we all do this in different ways …. how we communicate and express our needs, wants, desires, passions, goals, dreams.
For some it may be simple, for others it may be somewhat of a challenge, particularly if unsure what we truly want in and from life. How easy is it for you to know and say what you want?
When working with clients and speaking with people, I often hear language such as “could have”, “should have” and “would have”. As a friend of mine says, “coulda, shoulda, woulda!” I guess that sums it up. If we really want to be, do or have something in our life, if it’s important to us, a passion or burning desire, a life purpose or reason for being, we tend to make it happen and bring it into our reality. If it’s not, this often shows up as blame, justification, excuses …. all the stories, reasons and dramas that get in the way, block, challenge or stop us. Are you in cause (taking responsibility) or are you in effect (“I couldn’t do….” or “This happened because….”) in your life? At a workshop, I heard this referred to as the ”BS meter”. Sound familiar! I got a chuckle out of this, however, it did make me pay attention.
I am the first to put up my hand and admit that I have used negative, self-defeating, limiting language at times in my life, I haven’t taken responsibility and I have used things around me or other people as the reason I didn’t take action or do something. Hindsight and reflection are valuable teachers and these instances were a great learning experience for me and raised my level of awareness. I am now more mindful of the language I use, both internally to myself and externally to people around me. So, I ask you …. in general, more often than not, do you take responsibility for your communication and what you want, or not? Do you forego your voice and let life drag you along and go wherever other people take you, or are you the captain of your ship, the master of your destiny and you speak up for what you want? If you don’t decide what you want for yourself in your life, other people will, and you may not like the outcome.
As a student of life, I’ve been fortunate to attend a range of workshops, seminars and courses over the years and I am extremely grateful for the opportunities to learn more about myself. I have gained a better understanding of my preferred communication style and I know I’m a strong visual and a kinesthetic …. I prefer to “see” and “do”. Auditory is my least preferred modality, so I’m conscious of improving my listening skills. To do this, I volunteered as a Lifeline Telephone Counsellor on the 24 hour crisis line for a few years. For me, volunteering is immensely rewarding, satisfying and provided an opportunity to give back to my community. This role also enabled me to strengthen my listening skills, as this was an anonymous telephone service and being able to listen, be present and engage with the callers was critical.
Being an avid reader, I delight in a range of topics and my areas of interest are diverse. One book that comes to mind is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. A fascinating book which I personally found to be helpful in relation to communication and relationships with family, friends and loved ones. Let’s face it, relationships are part of life and communication is key to the quality of these relationships and how our interactions play out on a day-to-day basis. How much more enjoyable and joyful is it when we truly connect with people, we’re on the same page, we appreciate what makes them tick, we can be authentic and we are able to easily communicate and express ourselves. As one of my kiwi friends says, “That’s the bomb!” :-)
If you’re interested to know more and you want an indication of your predominant Love Language (and of the people around you in your life), you can do a quick online survey and get the results instantly. Give it a go at http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile. From the survey, I became aware that Quality Time is my dominant love language, followed by Touch. No surprise that I love spending time with my family, friends and loved ones and I love hugs and snuggling.
No matter where you are in your life right now, or where you want to be, you are where you’re meant to be. The real joy is knowing you have choice and you can change your life to be how you want it to be. So, here’s wishing you a life filled with love, happiness, joy, fun, laughter, good health, quality relationships, success in all you do and dreams come true …. whatever makes it your bliss, your heaven on earth!
I read recently the saying “The key to life is unconditional love. There is only love.” If we all come from a place of love, or loving kindness, and all the time, how amazing would our lives be and how easy would it be to communicate and express ourselves with our fellow human beings.
Anything to do with personal/professional development and learning is interesting, intriguing and exciting to me, as I believe we’re all a work in progress and I’m passionate about being the best version of me I’m able to be in this lifetime and living a life I love! :-)
Karen Low is the owner of Coach Me Now! To learn more, please contact Karen on 0409 343 336.
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